Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
