he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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