Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
