I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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