You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
