No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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