I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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