Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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