ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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