If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
