Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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