i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
