HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
