I'm lost and stupid without you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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