You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How's work?
Spinning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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