Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.