the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
