His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger