I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
