good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
