I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
