I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
