Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
