Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
