Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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