I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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