Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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