True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need a burrito and a hug.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
