i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
