this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
