I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
