New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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