god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
