I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
