Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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