I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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