4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
