pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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