i wish my penis had a tongue
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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