Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
