You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
