I just pynch a tree in the face
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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