cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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