a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish there were birth control emojis
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
