Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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