i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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