Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
