I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
