soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
