i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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