just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
