Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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