Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i think i just lost a toe
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
