He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
