He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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