Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
