We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
