the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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