I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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