i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
