Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
