I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
