so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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