I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
