omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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