I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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