I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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