..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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