I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He felt like a one man threesome
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
