There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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