My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
