look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
