Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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