i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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