): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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