Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
