Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
