Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
