BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
