just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
